I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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