He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
