i think my tv is drunk
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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