you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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