so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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