I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
