I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
