i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
