im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
