I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
