"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
