seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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