Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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