Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
