Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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