38 yer olds are good kisserssss
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
