How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
