Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Acid is not a monday night drug
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
