Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
