She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
