mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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