Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
