So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
