didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
