Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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