The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Randomize
