he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
