when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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