My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
