You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
