So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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