My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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