He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
