and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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