Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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