You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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