My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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