I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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