so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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