I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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