How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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