I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
