I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Randomize
