Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
