After last night, I could never be a politician.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
