i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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