By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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