Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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