So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
