He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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