If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
