I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
