Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Randomize
