dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
