Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
