Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
